Giada Haiku
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A summer sausage
Mesmerized by olive breasts
Forgot what she made
- - - - - -
The colander rests
Filled with Spring pasta
- Is she lactating?
Yes, we love Giada's cleavage, too. By the gods! The soft, ample, olive milkiness constantly competes with her great-tasting food. Join her breasts and us as we examine some of Giada's most delectable culinary episodes.
Giada At Home: Sushi?!?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I watched an episode of Giada at Home on Saturday. To my horror, Giada was making sushi.
Giada, you are an Italian who had grown up in the wealthy De Laurentiis family, being taught how to cook Italian food by your grandmother. That is your gift, that is your curse. Please leave the sushi to Masaharu Morimoto!
Although, I must admit, the sushi DID look pretty tasty...
South Beach Cleavage
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Oh goodness, me. A re-run of last summer's All-Star Grill Fest: South Beach this past weekend featured Giada, Bobby Flay, Alton Brown, Tyler Florence, Paula Deen and multiple close-ups of, well, you know.
As our fearless leader gently scolded Paula for her incorrect pronunciation of bruschetta (it's brew-SKAY-tah, not brew-SHET-ah, bitch!), I marvelled at the cameraman's bravery. He truly is a hero for having gotten nearer to the goods than possibly Giada's own husband.
But enough about her hubby --who wants that kind of buzzkill? No, 'tis better to imagine Giada and me, cavorting on the sands of Miami, munching softly on brewSKAYtah peppered with PAP-rika, not pap-REE-kah.
Kids Camping with Cleavage
Saturday, June 28, 2008
I think she's on to me. In her "Kids Camping" episode, Giada seemed to be darting about the kitchen in a flurry, all too briefly leaning into the camera to give her male audience its just rewards.
No, Giada hasn't the time for heaving, glistening decollete here. She was too busy making a truly mouth-watering Orecchiette with Mini Chicken Meatballs for a group of bratty campers, lost in their fleeting prepubescence. Ah, to be young and exposed to older women's bosoms again.
And that Venetian Rolled Pizza brought me back to the mother country, strolling through St. Mark's Square, enjoying the pigeons and drinking that 5-Euro cup of Coke. Not like I'm complaining. We were in Venice, for crying out loud!
The true money shots were reserved for her two minute camping interludes with the children. I've seen several episodes now where Giada's biggest cleavage display comes when there are kids around. Does this suggest a subliminal desire to breast feed? Hey, Giada, don't turn toward the kiddies: I'M RIGHT HERE!
Recipes for this episode were:
- Orecchiette with Mini Chicken Meatballs
- Hazelnut and Chocolate Pie with Vanilla Whipped Cream
- Venetian Rolled Pizza
Date Night Cleavage
Saturday, June 7, 2008
I happened upon a FoodNetwork.com video of Giada making one of my favorites: fried clams and oysters.
I'm sure it's no coincidence that oysters, a food made notorious for its reputation as an aphrodisiac, highlight Giada's "Date Night" episode menu. And if that's the outfit she's going to wear on our date, sign me up.
Recipes for this episode were:
Neapolitan Cleavage
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Giada went back to her roots in this episode, preparing dishes either conceived or inspired by her grandfather, Dino De Laurentiis.
Easily the most impressive dish was the Eggplant Timbale, an exceptional, stick-to-your-ribs Italian casserole chock-full of pork sausage, beef, marinara, penne pasta, eggplant and nearly three cups of cheese.
The cleavage was reigned in a bit in this episode during the actual cooking segments, but in her introductory segments, Giada was dressed in a perfectly revealing dinner dress, slinking over a chair while purring her words to the camera.
Recipes for this episode were:
Kid Friendly Dinner Cleavage
Friday, March 21, 2008
I don't know exactly how kid-friendly Giada's cleavage is, but she sure was sporting it in abundance this time around.
The episode showcased a few fun recipes for kids and adults alike, including the strangely savory Veggie Stuffed Pancakes.
The strawberry and mascarpone-filled cupcakes were particularly fun to watch, as Giada violated each sweet, golden muffin with her piping bag filled with cheesy, red goo.
Recipes for this episode were:
Dining In With Style Cleavage
Sunday, February 24, 2008
In her "Dining In, With Style" episode of "Everyday Italian," Giada prepares a very tasty-looking asparagus lasagna, chock full of ricotta, parmigiano reggiano, mozzarella, sun-dried tomato paste and, of course, asparagus.
While preparing her Amaretti Torta dessert, Giada leans forward to offer a very helpful tip. "Make sure you have stiff peaks," she instructs the excited viewer.
Stiff peaks, check.
Recipes for this episode were:
Soupy, Stewy Cleavage
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
"In Italy, mascarpone cheese is often used in place of butter," Giada explains to the salivating, predominantly male viewers.
The "Soups and Stews" episode focused on some steaming, brothy Italian liquidness served with a side of sultry, velvety Di Laurentiis, finished with a dusty kiss to my television set.
Cube that rye bread, honey. Cube it!
Recipes for this episode were:
Giada's Italian Holiday
Monday, January 14, 2008
We watched one of our favorite Giada specials Saturday night: "Giada's Italian Holiday." It's a great episode for us particularly because we visited Italy a year ago, trekking through many of the areas Giada highlights in her adventures.
It's unbelievable to me that Giada's Mom can be so beautiful...that family carries great Italian genes! Of course, when your weekly menu consists of olive oil, wine, gnocchi, tomato sauce and pasta, it's hard not to lead a healthy, age-defying life.
Cheers to Giada and to the Food Network for helping us relive our wonderful Italian experience. And to those who want to go there, set a date and take the trip! You'll be glad you did.
